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 FAMILY SOLUTIONS

PARENT AS COACH: What if you as a parent were the coach, not the soccer coach or marching band coach, but the life coach for your kids. How would your role change? What would you do differently? Could you have more fun?

PARENTING TIPS TAKE AN ASSESSMENT THE NEWSLETTER

 

 PARENT AS COACH

DID YOU KNOW?

CHILDREN WHO HAVE GOOD SELF-CONTROL AT AGE 4 HAVE BETTER GRADES AS ADOLESCENTS.

From Emotional Intelligence, Goleman

PARENTING TIPS

RELATED TOPICS
PARENTING TIPS Simple ideas to help you enjoy your most important relationships.
PARENTS AS COACH What would be different if we coached rather than parented?
PARENTING IN A CRISIS Triggered by 9/11, this article helps parents know what to do when tragedy strikes.
THE PARENTS' SELF-ASSESSMENT TOOL A quick assessment of your parenting stlye and behavior.
KIDS' SELF-ASSESSMENT TOOL A quick way for kids to gauge themselves.
10 SIMPLE TIPS FOR BECOMING A BETTER PARENT Some quick tips.
PARENTS' SUCCESS KIT Assessments, journal, communicate, relax and know what to do – all in one place!
DR. GAFFNEY'S BOOK The Coaching Guide for Parents provides a simple structure and useable ideas for getting along better at home.
COACH/KID TRIANGLES Two triangles tell the tale of who does what and when.
GRANDPARENTS' QUESTIONNAIRE Timeless Wisdom from the Forgotten Teachers: Tell us what you’ve learned!
 

PARENT AS COACH

by Dr. Carol Renaud Gaffney, copyright 1997

Who is the Parent Coach?

Most of us have experience with the "parent as player". This parent is easily spotted arguing with the ump over the called 3rd strike or with the teacher complaining that his or her 8th grader has too much homework. Although many of the "parent as player" decisions are made out of sacrifice and love, the "kids on the bench" during these formative years are ill-prepared when they have a chance to get into the game at age 18.

The "parent as coach" is one who is able to identify the appropriate problems that kids own for their age and then support them in learning to solve them. The kids get to think and play and the parents get to cheer as they offer wisdom and support from the sidelines. These "kids on the field" have many opportunities to learn from their mistakes and to care for themselves before they graduate from high school.

The parent as coach can make the tough decisions when it counts. Limits and standards are in place. Responsibility and accountability come before increased independence.

What are the Road Blocks?

Parent as coach makes so much sense that you sometimes wonder why it isn’t the more natural way of interacting with kids. Often parents end up as players because they are relying on what they have learned in the past, from their own parenting mentors.

Also, parents have this thing called emotion when it comes to their kids. They have certain sensitive areas as well. Put these together and what do you get – a hot button that kids find out about by the time they are 2. We can figure out what our hot buttons are by applying the formula I or E except after ?. Once the hot buttons are identified we can cool them off and start responding rather than reacting.
Then there are the big 3 – guilt, fear and stress – that compromise a parent’ ability to do what he or she knows needs to be done. When this happens, the kids are in control.

What are some Strategies for Success?

Know Yourself is one of the important strategies. What do you as a parent bring to the parent/child relationship? Remember that modeling (do as I say, not as I do, really doesn’t work) is the number one factor in learning how to behave. AND you can only take your kids as far as you have been.

Know Your Kids is the second strategy. If you don’t know them – how they communicate, what they value, it will be difficult to open the door to communication with them. When we are aware of them as people, we can adapt our responses (not our values and beliefs) creating the environment for empathy, relationship and an experience of love.

The Coach/Kid Triangles – Know how to make the decisions about who owns the problem. Get a manual for expected behavior, then place the age of the child against the triangles. Once you know who owns what part of the problem, simple strategies keep the problem solving process moving.

If you have great relationships with your kids, the rest is easy. When kids know they are loved, they can feel safe and are free to love back. Every day there is a way to let your kids know how important they are. You can listen and you can spend time. When you listen, listen with your heart and don’t worry about trying to fix the problem – kids only think you are trying to fix them. Listen with your eyes, your ears and your body. Let them know you – mind, body and spirit. Let them know you are on their team 100% of the time.

Order Dr. Gaffney's Coaching Guide for Parents


TAKE AN ASSESSMENT

The more you know about your style, the easier it is to figure out what naturally stresses you and what to do to relax.

TAKE AN ASSESSMENT

TAKE A DEEP BREATH, RELAX
Stress and strain of daily living got you down? Breathe. Relax. Reclaim yourself and your energy – two minutes at a time.

TAKE A DEEP BREATH, RELAX
MORE TWO-MINUTE MOMENTS


MEDITATION & THE RELAXATION RESPONSE
Have you been wondering about meditation? Well, it’s easier than you think. You just have to get started. One breath, one focus, two moments.

MEDITATION & RELAXATION RESPONSE
MORE TWO-MINUTE MOMENTS
 PEOPLE SOLUTIONS

 THE NEWSLETTER
Dr. Gaffney's Newsletters provide insight and direction for successful communication and action to help you create your life – at work, at home and within your community.



PERSONAL
Creating your life requires self-knowledge, planning and taking action otherwise you'll be making the trip but it may be the magical mystery tour. Start here for personal understanding, the basis of success.

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PROFESSIONAL
Do you hire right the first time? Are you and the people you work with at peak performance? Do you have the skills and attitudes for extraordinary success? Start here to learn about excellence in your professional life.

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FAMILY
If you have children
and are concerned about their development and
well-being and having them become loving, independent,
productive and responsible, check out the materials
in this section.

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